Strongth

Strength is a quality that is rarely observed as being one that can hurt you, or prohibit you.  When people talk of strength, they always see it as a positive thing, and maybe it always is.  Something I have learned in my years is that something is hardly ever "always"; even the most sure things can seem questionable at times.  In my case, strength is being questioned.  To become strong, the path is never an easy one, but the reward is said to be worth it.  I am not questioning this, I am questioning whether it is necessary to be strong.  For some time now,  I have had to tell myself that the tough times are only making me stronger.  I would love to be able to whole-heartily agree to this, but I just cannot seem to do it.  My disagreement lies with the issue that to become strong, one must become weak.  Now weakness is something no one likes to associate themselves with.  I am going to die to my strength now and admit that I am pretty weak.  My weakness hurts.  It causes physical pain, but hey, it is just making me stronger, right?  Maybe so, but I cannot see it.  The only thing I can clearly see is the fact that I am very weak, and I do not want to be.  I want to be the strongest of the strong, knowing that will never be the case.  I work at accepting my weakness, but that only makes it worse.  Coming up with solutions for my weakness seems hopeless.  Then I realize that it is just that.  I will always be weak.  There is no killing my weakness, but I can overcome it.  There is a way to become strong enough to make my weakness seem hidden. Does this go back on all things I have mentioned?  Probably.  But I am about to be strong, and I know just how to make that happen. So what do I do?  How do I become strong?  Simply just get in the car.

waiting

its not a matter of how long i am willing to wait anymore. i know she will show up. she has to. i made a plan with her. essentially i gave her everything she wanted. all she has to do is pick me up from this stupid class and then we can go and i will buy her the best birthday dinner she has ever had. maybe smooch a little while we watch a good movie at my appartment, just a solid night. its not atypical that she show up late. for some reason i am always early i am always prompt and excited but she is always a little late. oh she has good reasons but still. to think in the last year of school that i had met her. i really think she is the one.. i mean thats the  kinda thing we all like to think and i would be lying if i said that i had not felt that before but this time... it could be. i had poured so much into her. so much time so much joy. no regrets but still alot of time. i know she loves to be late but this is insane i am taking her to her birthday dinner. she would never forget about me. all she has to do is pick me up. i am waiting. just pick me up.

Yeah

Anticipation is something that can come and go throughout conversation.  Meaning this as, for instance, excitement caves in on a conversation.  A participant cannot help but to feel some type of anxiousness.  Everyone has experienced some type of dramatic anticipation, there is no way around it, but what about someone who is or has experienced several different anticipations.  You may think this is not a healthy feeling, but I disagree.  Having several things to look forward to can be quite useful.  By not completely giving all concentration towards one greeting can tear a man from the inside out.  The anticipation of one moment, the long awaited arrival of something phenomenal, the simple joy in an overdue conversation can be devastating.  So, in my opinion, to spread the focus around to different parties can prevent a meltdown of imaginable proportions.  This breakdown may not be visible from the outside, but if the mind was on speakerphone, every one would listen closely.  A thing could be eating at a man's core, but only he could know it, and even if he did express this to others, only he would truly understand the struggle.  So many things we have to look forward to.  We mark our calenders for days that are months away.  We do this for a couple of reasons: we give ourselves something to look forward to, we are honestly excited about something, or we are not happy with the state that we are in.  It is usually a combination of these things, and there are also more elements involved in the equation, but those are the first reasons I came across.  I believe the worst one is the third one in ascending order from left to right.  The reason this is so dangerous is because we are secretly trying to runaway from something, to get away.  This can make time seem to stop, and no one wants that, especially in this predicament.  But it is when this problem is attached to the second one in order that allows us to survive the long, strenuous fight with anticipation.  To be truly excited about something is a great feeling.  You do not want the event to come too soon because you will not know what to do with yourself when it has gone away.  You look back, wishing something that awesome would come again just so you can be excited once more.  Excitement is usually not continuous, but comes and goes as pleases.  So we try to savor the moment when true excitement presents itself.  I have been excited for several things for an extended amount of time.  I have been fortunate enough to gain a new interest when another disappears, but my fortunate state is constant, for I have one thing that I can always look forward to.  When this time comes, I believe I will not need anything to look forward to; satisfaction will last.  That is a good feeling.  The struggles of waiting can be very rewarding.  I will know all about tomorrow night, but even after that, I have something else to cast my wishful thoughts upon.  Let's just say I am lucky, for these thoughts will soon no longer be wishful.  But until then, the several headed monster of anticipation will be struck down... by Harry Potter.

Boom

Adventurous has been a feeling of late.  I settled that feeling.  What is more dangerous than a Baptist preacher inviting you to a pizza dinner?  Exactly.  Or maybe it has been the food that is made to order.  I am not nor never will be "loving it."  Or maybe it is a store that only sells the thing you love the most, even though it can be quite itchy and aggravating around the neck at times.  Personally I could see all of these as adventurous, but I was selling myself short.  Good thing that it was early in the day.  With bikes barely barred on, the next road traveled had a firm grip on the frame of our car, for it did not plan on letting go any time soon.  Cautiously approaching, we neared the thought to be destination point for our next adventure.  We were silently mistaken.  The source that described our directions, though did give us a nice long paragraph of turn by turn information, could not see the road block that we were about to become very familiar with.  Ted and Todd thought they had this one easy, already planning other trips for the remainder of the day.  They could not have been more wrong.  But to their oblivious ignorance, they thought they had made it and the rest of the way to the next adventure was soon to come.  Again, they could not have been more wrong.  Unloaded the Specialized hardware and took out for the trail head that was just around the corner.  It was like fate was telling them not to do it when three large fur coats came running at them, barking pure nonsense.  They payed no attention, for they had their mind set on the obstacle ahead.  Off they go around the corner.  There turned out to be about 27 corners, and by this time, even Ted and Todd were searching for oxygen.  Ted was a little aggravated with Todd.  He thought that Todd had led them astray, and honestly he just thought that so he could have an excuse to turn back and go down the path only traveled.  Persistent, Todd carried them through with some verbal courage, but Ted only heard insulting.  Finally, the battle had been won, but they feared the war was about to begin.  After hiding the wheels, they went up, a long way.  Not only did they have to climb, but they had to dig.  A ski lift would have been useful.  They could feel the elevation in their chest, it felt as if they were breathing in ice dipped in icy hot.  And that was not the last of the ice.  After they had been traveling for some distance, the terrain turned crunchy and slushy.  They had no other way up, and they could not go back down, pride told them to.  So they kept on going, sliding and slipping their way up.  Just when trails were starting to flow in all directions, they saw the goal.  They could not miss it; it was all they could see for miles, miles, miles.  But they were not alone.  Others had come to experience the sight of the great icy peaks that smothered the sky, and they had brought along their boards.  Ted and Todd were not this fortunate.  The new terrain was struggling with instability; the two were having difficulty keeping their footing.  It did not matter what was now standing in front of them, they were not going to stop now.  And just when they thought they were almost there, they were there.  The view was magnified by 10 from their previous one.  No matter which way the table turned, miles were everywhere.  Sights that are normally seen from the sky were right in front of them.  The top of the peak was waiting on them, for they had an afternoon appointment scheduled.  They could feel the strength of the wind as it was marking it's already claimed territory.  They clouds were getting darker; they thought they had visitors.  Beginning to become darker, the two travelers thought it best to head back.  The journey back was going to be treated like a holiday; they had been looking forward to it since they began, but the real excitement was quite unexpected.  The travel down was more dangerous than the one up, and that does not seem very common.  Seeing the marks of one's before them, they had the idea to follow the footsteps of the worthy.  These footsteps did not last.  They made it down the hill very fast, and their feet were not touching the ground.  Accident turned genius, Ted used the snow covered mountain as a rocking chair.  He decided to take a seat, and the rocking began instantly.  Fearing he would not be able to come to a halt, he fought his way to stillness, just to look up to see Todd flying by him.  Ted continued what he started.  Cheers around the valley came in as they reached the bottom in their mildly wet shorts. Speed was something to be expected on the way southbound.  Once reaching the gravel road, helmets were then strapped on.  The metacarpals were in full use on this ride back.  Even though nerves were packed tight inside, they could not help but to let it go.  Going was not the problem, it was the slowing down that they feared.  Reaching Ruckus speeds, the two bikes were blazing down the path.  Jealously was shown on every passing face, for they too wanted to spread their wing and fly away.  They believed they could soar, some saw them running through that open door.  They locked up it and headed out.  Adventure was in the back seat, telling them all about what just happened.

Snitch

Does time really fly?  It seems so very often.  Ted can find himself trying to turn back the clock on several occasions.  The past seems so appealing; it would be great to go back and relive moments and time periods that you do not feel like you truly appreciated.  One can take many things for granted, but I feel like the last thing someone can see themselves taking for granted is time.  Always trying to rush through things, we are.  Ted has been struggling with this lately.  He does not know quite how to slow things down without being impatient.  He can do that.  One solution he has found successful is in his ears.  But even to Ted, that cannot last forever.  He has been put in a great situation, but he wants to expand his boundaries, branch out and be adventurous.  He has been tied down to other things lately, busy work that he is not too fond of.  And what hurts the most, is that most of the beautiful things he thinks of can be seen around him.  It is like they are inviting him to come play for hours and hours.  How could anyone turn that down.  Well, it seems as if Ted is forced to do just that for now.  The phrase for now is very important here.  In a very short period of time, Ted will be able to get away and get lost.  This where time comes into play.  As before, Ted would like to be able to manage his time the way that is not possible.  Ted wanted to speed up time, but now his thoughts have changed.  He never wants to leave the time he is in.  It seems he cannot be satisfied.  That is just it, he can't.  Selfish guy he is.  Some people have said that initially, it's all about Ted.  That is hard for me to believe.  One fine example is time itself.  The one thing Ted wishes he could control, he simply can't and will never be able to.  It's like time is playing games with him.  The moment he wishes he could just stop, the hands spin faster than ever, and when he wants things to speed up, the hands seem broken.  Dang hands, they never can get things right.  But as I was saying, Ted is in a peculiar predicament.  He has mixed emotions on time.  For time is of the essence, right?  Not exactly.  He loves where he is, playing all day, roaming the hills, but there is something else that he awaits.  The only good thing about this one is that he can have a countdown, for he knows when the day will come.  Of course, what does he do, what Ted always does, impatiently awaits yet another thing, but I have to be completely honest on this one, if it was me, I would not be able to be patient either.  He thinks about it often, how great it is going to be when the time comes.  He thinks that is one of the best things about leaving, coming back again.  So Ted secretly loves the wait, for he knows how great it is going to be when the time comes.  Ted is full of mixed emotions, but there is one emotion he is pretty sure of.  He cannot wait to express that emotion.  Time is not on his side, it is on his wrist.

For Rapids that Flow

So here we are, in the wild, doing anything but nothing, enjoying everything that's anything.  That is what it is all about, as they say.  I honestly would not know if this is what it's all about either, but if it is, I am well pleased.  To be able to keep your footing along a steep, rocky, amazing trail in the back country is the least of your worries.  Worries really do not exist where I am, or do they?  Even though someone can be in such a beautiful, carefree place, anxiety still creeps its way into the scene.  Thoughts on irrelevant things that I know I cannot control still occur, but I think I'm tired of these thoughts.  To be able to drown the worries in a pool of rapids is too easy.  It is available right out the back door.  Talks also help.  So I decided to take a walk.  Three miles have never seemed so pleasant.  I look to the right to find a way to stay hydrated and to the left a way to need hydration.  I chose to stay straight.  The walk wasn't easy.  Rocks were left homeless on the side, trying to meet new friends, but none of us were interested.  We had only one thing on our minds and that was walking.  And walking we did.  Greeting everything that passed us, and the best suited ones were non responsive.  After a while of trudging along, we reached our destination.  Awe.  Our shoulders were lightened as we watched the sunny glaze of the mountainous reflection that cast dimly over a smooth valley full of water.  I can't recall much, but worrying was not on my mind.  If the scenery did not do it, the American Spirits solved the problems.  And the best part was that it only took one to do the job.  That was all I needed.  The walk was over.  The best walk I have ever taken.  To end the day, I shared a fire with pen and paper.  We have shared a great deal of time together.  I have a feeling our relationship will only grow.  Look forward to that.

Nasty Complaints

It all starts from the winding wooden walkway that was between me and my departure.  The steps were friendly, making quiet gestures as I unconsciously greeted them.  I honestly do not remember the beginning of this long voyage, but I knew that I would remember the end.  As we entered the black sea with sporadic white dashes that split each side.  I guess you could say that was our boundary.  We were not hesitant to test those so called boundaries.  Conversations started slow, therefore, my interest was not at full capacity.  But my undivided attention was quickly regained.  The depth was increased when words were not only spoken, but they actually carried meaning.  Emotions decided to come off the bench and put in some quality minutes.  Even though these conversations were interesting, I had my own conversation with the tallest man on earth.  The scenery reminded me of him.  I felt like he would be pleased with what my eyes could see, he would not mind what I was listening to either.  In and out was my awareness.  It was not fair agree or disagree with one side or the other, for each opinion was well respected.  My thoughts did belong in these conversations, and as much as I would like to think, I hope they were necessary.  All in all, I enjoyed every mile that was shared, and I truly look forward to my voyage tomorrow, for the Nasty will be involved.