Water cont.

I seem to always be asking myself if it is time.  I am constantly checking up on my status, anxiously waiting for the self assurance that everything is prepared, that all is in perfect order to proceed with my ultimate plan.  I have had my mind made up for some time now, but I feel as if I am not quite ready to dive in the deep waters of the unknown.  These waters are not distant though.  For they seem to be right beyond the hill and only knee deep.  I cannot wait for the time when I can freely relax in the smooth flow of the tide and rest on the water top.  It will be as if I am comfortable once more in the place I long to be comfortable.  But before then, I must get ready.  I must put on the proper gear, this may include floaters, I am honestly not sure.  It may take some time before I can trust myself with my swimming abilities.  I need to ease into the water, cautiously watching every step to make sure I do not slip, because if I do slip, I will be head under deep in uncomfortable waters.  But the water is inviting me in; this is why it is such a difficult task to gradually go deeper and deeper.  I want to just jump in, head first, without wavering any consequences.  I know this is not in my best interest.  If I want to be able to settle down in these waters, to put my trust in myself to stay above the tide, then I do not need to be checking the clock, for time is not important.  The rocks at the base of the water remind me of this important observation.  The deeper I slowly go, the softer the rocks.  I am beginning to let myself go, to be taken by the shady mirage of light blue.  The time is coming.  My skin can sense the warm water.  I must be close.  I am not quite there yet, but I hopefully will get there.  And I plan to stay awhile, and I am not afraid to get wet.